EP10: The Work That Remains
Energy in Motion
The last few weeks have been really difficult.
I’ve been coming face-to-face with the sheer amount of emotional blockage, unhelpful habits, and disruptive patterns within myself. These things hold me back. And even after everything I’ve seen and experienced, they still exist.
The clarity is painful. It’s like a light that keeps getting brighter, revealing more and more of what I’d rather not see. I can’t avoid it anymore.
So I’ve made a commitment to work on myself.
Not just seeing these patterns, acknowledging they are there, but actually doing something about them.
The medicine certainly helps. It opens the door, clears the fog, shows me what’s possible. But it takes so much more than medicine alone.
Integration isn’t passive. It’s not about waiting for change to happen, it’s about showing up, day after day, to weave the insights into the fabric of my life.
One of the deepest insights the medicine has given me is this: everything is energy.
Our emotional patterns.
Our thoughts.
Our physical posture and health.
Our behaviours.
Even our beliefs.
All of it is energy, flowing in particular patterns.
From the way we stand, to the words we speak, to the stories we tell ourselves. Each is an energetic configuration. These energetic patterns are interwoven to form our identity.
They are also dynamic, which is why our experiences are so formative, life is a constant feedback loop, we are constantly changing and resisting that change. It’s the resistance that is fucking exhausting.
The medicine floods you with an enormous amount of energy in a very short period of time. This surge disrupts old patterns, sometimes dissolving them entirely. When this happens it is true healing.
Other times, it doesn’t erase them, but it makes them impossible to ignore.
This last session made my patterns crystal clear. Painfully clear.
And now I understand: this is energy work.
It’s about re-patterning who I am, but this has to be done so deeply that it changes how my life expresses itself on every level:
My physical health
My emotional balance
The choices I make
Even the most fundamental layer: how I perceive reality itself
There is a direct relationship between our inner energy patterns and the outer world. Our experience of life is shaped by the dance between these two forces: how the world responds to our inner patterns, and how our inner patterns respond to the world.
It doesn’t mean I can control the world.
But it does mean this: when my energy shifts, when I grow and re-pattern myself, the kinds of experiences, opportunities, and challenges that appear in my life also shift.
The medicine has shown me this with absolute clarity and, just as importantly, it’s given me the energy to face it. I’m no longer shying away from what I need to do. Sometimes it feels like I need to climb Mount Everest bare foot, other times it feels like everything I need is right here if I can just let myself accept it.
I’ve been immersing myself in new sources of guidance to help me navigate this territory.
Two books by Stanislav Grof — Holotropic Breathwork and The Cosmic Game — are helping me understand the deeper layers of the psyche and how non-ordinary states of consciousness can be used for profound healing.
Alongside these, John Raskin’s Deep Clearing and Francoise Bourzat’s Consciousness Medicine have been giving me a practical, structured way to approach the very patterns and blockages the medicine has been revealing.
These teachings are helping me design a framework for my own process, a way to systematically work through the energy patterns that no longer serve me, and consciously create the changes I need in my life.
This isn’t going to be quick or easy work.
But I’ve dedicated myself to walk this path fully, to engage deeply, and to share it openly. This is the most purpose I’ve felt in a long long time, and it shows up in my dreams, in my thoughts, in the quiet moments when I disconnect from the noise of London.
I’ll be documenting the entire journey here on Substack.
Not just the insights, but the process.
Not just the moments of clarity, but the challenges, setbacks, and victories along the way.
Hey Neil. Nice article. Well written. It’s interesting timing for me to read this, as I’ve been thinking similar thoughts on energy and also recognizing persistent patterns in myself. Wish you the best on the transformation journey.