Episode 3: Energy

T+7: Absence of friction + opening the valve

It’s been about a week since my encounter with 5-MeO-DMT and I’ve returned to the office.

Honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to it. There was something flat, even absurd, about the idea of re-entering “normal life” after such a powerful experience. I didn’t know what to expect.

Energy of attention

On that first day, I sat down in my chair, placed my feet on the ground, and became acutely aware of the present moment. So I stayed with it. I paid attention.

How do I feel physically? What’s happening in my body?

I felt light. Balanced. My posture felt good. My breathing felt smooth and natural. Even my eyes felt clearer - like I could literally see better.

I turned on the computer and got ready to start work. But something had shifted. Instead of the usual mental buzz - planning, predicting, problem-solving - everything was … slow. And clear.

It was like looking into a still, transparent pool - I could see right to the bottom.

There was stillness. And from that stillness, I began.

I started to work, and to my surprise, I was deeply focused. My mind wasn’t darting around, chasing tasks or distractions. I wasn’t bracing against the day. I was just there, doing the work. Fully present.

And in that presence, I became more aware of my breath. Of my body. Of energy - not as a metaphor, but as an actual experience. The energy of attention. The energy of awareness. Subtle currents moving through my limbs, my spine, my breath.

The body signal

There was a kind of dawning in my awareness - I could feel energy flowing through me. Not as a concept or idea, but as a real, subtle movement. And what struck me most was how little resistance there was to it.

As I tuned into the sensation, I felt lighter. More spacious inside. The usual sense of bodily weight - the drag of the physical form - just wasn’t there. It was as if my body had become a signal, something I could attune to. And in that tuning, I became more present. More focused. More awake.

This state carried me through the morning. I worked steadily, peacefully, for hours - until I checked and realised it was nearly lunchtime.

Throughout the morning, I noticed something else. About every 30 or 40 minutes, I’d become aware that my eyes had locked into a fixed focal point - staring at the screen, not straining, but also not moving. And while it wasn’t uncomfortable exactly, it wasn’t fluid either.

So I’d pause. Let my eyes move. Look out the window. Let the muscles relax. Let the lens dilate. The softness would return, and I’d carry on.

That rhythm - work, awareness, pause, return - shaped the first half of the day.

When lunchtime arrived, I stepped away from the desk and walked to the nearby park. The break was joyful. Not just a reprieve, but a continuation of the same presence.

I wandered peacefully, taking it all in. Calm. Grateful. Joyful.

There was no urgency. Just happiness, unfolding with the trees, the light, the air.

Zero friction

I came back to the office after lunch feeling quietly excited. It was as if I were carrying a secret - not one I needed to share, but one I could fully embrace. A knowing.

I sat back at the desk, and it all picked up exactly where it left off. Light. Flowing. Effortless. There was no friction - just clarity and ease.

The day came to a close. I said goodbye to my colleagues. And I left the office with a smile on my face.

But it was only when I got home that I truly understood the difference.

I felt exactly the same as when I left that morning.

I hadn’t drained myself. I hadn’t burned through my reserves. All of my energy was still available to me.

That realization stunned me.

What if I could live like this every day? What if I could move through the world without resistance? How would I feel? What could I do? How present could I be for others?

When I spoke with my wife that evening, I noticed something else: I was fully there. I could listen to her without the usual tug of “my day,” “my exhaustion,” “my story.” pulling my mind away. All of that background noise … it just wasn’t there.

I remember wondering whether I’d even be able to sleep that night. I did. Wonderfully.

And the next day began just as the last one had ended.

This newfound energy has started to ripple out into other areas of my life.

Photo by Shahadat Rahman on Unsplash

Take food, for example. I’ve been eating less - but feeling more energized. I’ve been naturally gravitating toward healthier choices. And I’ve become acutely aware of how food affects me. What nourishes. What dulls. What supports this sense of flow, and what interrupts it.

The gym is another area. The energy I have when I’m there is noticeably different. I can lift more. Run longer. Move with greater confidence. There’s a kind of accelerated progress happening - and not because I’m pushing harder, but because I have access to more. More clarity. More focus. More presence. Less resistance.

That part feels key.

It’s not that I’ve become superhuman overnight. It’s just that I’m not fighting myself. I’m not pushing against the world - I’m beginning to flow with it.

It’s not graceful yet. I’m not here to claim I’m performing better than anyone else. But for me? This is a sense of ease I’ve never known.

Over the next few days, I began to wake earlier and earlier. At first, I was concerned that I wasn’t getting enough sleep. But then I paid attention to how I actually felt, and I was waking refreshed. Restored.

By the third day, I was up around 5am. I got out of bed quietly, left the house, and walked to the park. I watched the sun rise. I watched the birds flying. I just paid attention to nature.

And I felt at peace. I felt at home.

That energy stayed with me throughout the day.

And this is very new to me.

I’ve struggled to get out of bed for years. Mornings were the bane of my existence.

Now everything’s shifted. Everything’s new.

Underneath it all is this availability of energy.

And the absence of friction as I move through the world.

Opening the valve

There are some clear steps occurring in a positive feedback loop.

The first is a very light focusing, a gentle bringing of attention into the present moment. That allows me to direct my awareness more precisely, and attend to things with far greater ease.

The next step is where that attention is going: onto the awareness of my body and the movement of energy within it.

And as that awareness deepens, it becomes easier and easier to sense. To listen. To flow.

Then it becomes recursive.

The consequence of moving more in flow, and with more ease, is naturally that I'm using less energy. But the other thing that's very interesting is noticing that there is energy available to me from outside of me.

Whereas before this experience, I imagined energy as being something you generate through exercise and diet and sleep- which still remains true - I now see there is also energy from around us that is accessible to us.

That accessibility feels like a valve, or a door, that can be opened. When open, energy can flow in, flow through, and be available.

And the way to open that valve - the way to allow that flow - seems to be through being lightly, softly focused. Through being present. Through being aware of myself and the world around me.

The friction that I, or we, normally experience on a daily basis. The friction that leads to urgency, distraction, frustration, and exhaustion. It's a brake applied to our capacity to flow in the world.

It comes from trying to be in control - from trying to direct everything that's occurring - rather than allowing focus to be there, allowing energy to flow through.

I think the experience with the Toad, with 5-MeO-DMT, has helped me generate more faith in the world and in myself. But not by feeling like I'm more capable than I was before.

Rather, it's because I've glimpsed that the flow of energy in the world is naturally directed toward our flourishing, our blossoming.

And it takes a willingness to have some faith in that - to, at least partially, surrender control to that natural intelligence. This is especially difficult in a world of uncertainty and disconnection.

And that's part of the gift of 5-MeO-DMT as a medicine.

Encountering the source of life and love is deeply reassuring.

I have faith.